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Blackberry is down! Some jokes when RIM is offline

by on 12 Oct, 2011 in Jokes

Some people just don’t get jokes… you know like Blackberry owners won’t get this one.

It’s so nice of Blackberry to honour Steve Jobs’ passing with 2 days of silence.

Day 3 of Blackberry Survivor. Shit’s gettin’ real.

All we need now is for iPhones to start playing up and we’ll have the dream headline: Apple and Blackberry crumble.

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Amy Winehouse is dead jokes

by on 25 Jul, 2011 in Jokes

amy winehouse is deadElton John will perform at Amy Winehouse’ s funeral with a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon.

Can all those mourners outside Amy Winehouse’s home please form a line? It’s what she would’ve wanted.

What was Amy Winehouse’s biggest hit? Her last one!

McDonalds have released the Amy Winehouse McValue Meal. Just Coke and Ice.

Congrats to Amy Winehouse! She has been sober for 24hrs.

Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Jimmi Hendrix, Ian Curtis, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin all died at 27. Justin Bieber turns 27 in 2021. Just be patient.

Amy Winehouse seriously should’ve known where to draw the line, I guess on the coffee table wasn’t such a good idea.

She probably should’ve went to rehab but she said noo noo no.

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Osama Bin Laden is dead jokes

by on 02 May, 2011 in Jokes

The founder and leader of al Qaeda was killed by U.S. forces on the 1st of May 2011 in a mansion in Abbottabad, Pakistan.

Enjoy these jokes about Osama Bin Laden!

  • So Bin Laden is finally dead. It’s amazing what the Americans can do when the playstation network is down.
  • How did they finally find Bin Laden? Clearly through his Sony Playstation account details.
  • Looks like Jeff Dunham is going to have another partner for Achmed the Dead Terrorist
  • Osama Bin Laden’s funeral is gonna be the bomb
  • In other news, Chuck Norris returns from vacationing in Pakistan.
  • Looks like Osama Bin Laden signed up for Foursquare on the wrong day.
  • I would make an Osama joke but they’ve probably all Bin done.

Breaking News: Donald Trump demands Osama Bin Laden’s death certificate!

What did the Al Qaeda learn from Osama Bin Ladens death?….. Location – Location – Location.

R.I.P Osama Bin Laden – World Hide And Go Seek Champion (2001 – 2011)

Funny Osama Bin Laden pictures

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You know you are a South African when

by on 17 Dec, 2009 in Email, Jokes

  1. You produce a R100 note instead of your driver’s licence when stopped by a traffic officer
  2. You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
  3. You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
  4. You can count the national soccer teams scores with no fingers
  5. To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
  6. Hijacking cars is a profession
  7. Defecating in a garden can win you R1-million
  8. You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
  9. The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
  10. More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election
  11. People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence, Samsung and Airtime.
  12. “Now now” can mean anything from a minute to a month!
  13. You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.
  14. Travelling at 120 km/h you’re the slowest vehicle on the highway
  15. You’re genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.
  16. A bullet train is being introduced but we can’t fix potholes
  17. The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
  18. You paint your cars registration on the roof
  19. Half your mail is guaranteed to reach its destination
  20. You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
  21. You dial a toll free number and nobody answers
  22. You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one
  23. Prisoners go on strike.
  24. You don’t stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.
  25. You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
  26. Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
  27. When 2 Afrikaans TV programs are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans program, and a Pedi ad.
  28. The employees DANCE in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.
  29. The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished viewing.
  30. You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.
  31. You call a bathing suit a “swimming costume”.
  32. You stop at robots, not traffic lights.
  33. You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you’ve never had any.
  34. You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.
  35. You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
  36. You go to “braais” (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors (long meaty sausage-type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously.
  37. You have a gear lock for your car.
  38. You’ve never seen snow in real life.
  39. You know that there’s nothing to do in the Free State.
  40. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from South Africa because you know its true…
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Michael Jackson is dead jokes

by on 26 Jun, 2009 in Email, Jokes

These are a couple of jokes floating around now the Michael Jackson is dead. I do apologise for the insensitivity.
—–

Since Michael Jackson is 99% plastic, they are going to melt him down and turn him into lego blocks so that little kids can play with him for a change.

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Newsflash – Michael Jackson did not die of a cardiac arrest?
He was in the children’s ward having a stroke!

–

Michael Jacksons death is so tragic, he touched so many children in so many special ways.

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Apparently the heart attack was caused when he tripped over a pram, doctors are saying “dont blame it on the buggie!”

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Gary Glitter has applied to adopt Michael Jackson’s kids.

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What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Alex Ferguson?
Alex Ferguson will be playing Giggs in August.

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Michael Jackson’s official cause of death: “The Boogie”. The Sunshine, Moonlight and the Good Times were released after extensive questioning showed they could not be blamed.

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Paramedics at the scene report that Michael Jackson never got his colour back.

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On the bright side, Michael Jackson had so much plastic surgery, he can be recycled!

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At the autopsy they found children’s underwear strapped to Michael Jackson’s upper arm. According to his doctors it is just a patch, he’s been trying to quit for a while.

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The FBI has raided Jackos house and found class A drugs in the kitchen, class B drugs in the living room and class 5c in his bedroom.

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Michael Jackson’s death is only a PR stunt. At the funeral he will jump out of the coffin and sing thriller.

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MJ’s cardiac arrest was brought about when he found out that Boyz 2 Men were a boy band and not a delivery service.

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I don’t feel any emotion for MJs death… Guess he never really touched me when I was younger.

–

Michael Jackson’s UK tour will still go ahead as planned. A spokesman said “So much of Michael was saved by the doctors after his surgical procedures that we are confident of being able to put something together.”

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I always give 100% at work

by on 03 Jun, 2009 in Jokes

I always give 100% at work:

  • 13% Monday
  • 22% Tuesday
  • 26% Wednesday
  • 35% Thursday
  • 4% Friday
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Getting old 2 – more funny jokes about old people!

by on 11 May, 2009 in Email, Jokes

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘ I don’t know.’
‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
‘Because she can still drive!’

—

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’
Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a soda.’

—

A man was telling his neighbor, ‘ I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’
‘Really,’ answered the neighbor. ‘What kind is it?’
‘Twelve thirty.’

—

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’
The doctor said, ‘ I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

—

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

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